I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
