Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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