is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it because I queefed?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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