Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
