I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
