Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
