He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
