hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
