i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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