Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
