This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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