i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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