How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
