Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
