I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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