I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
