yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
