You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
