I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
