which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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