I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
