I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
