she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
