My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
