meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
