I love black thongs
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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