Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
