I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
