Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
