Jerry, you need to find god
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
