I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
