on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
