I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize