I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
