if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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