on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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