Define "chronic" masturbator.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize