I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
