how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize