So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
