dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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