remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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