im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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