so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this hospital has no fireball
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
