All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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