Define "chronic" masturbator.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
