he puts the penis in happiness.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
