she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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