i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
