Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
