you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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