Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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