I am puke
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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