my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
