The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize