guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
