smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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