Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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