Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
