she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
