i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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