I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
