I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
