I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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