benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
