Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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