shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
